The Delivery Room
The machines are beeping, the bright fluorescent lights make your vision feel off, and you're holding your wife's hand watching her body tense up as she breathes through another contraction. They're coming faster now. You can see the pain written all over her face — and you can feel it too, every time she squeezes your hand a little tighter.
There are birthing classes and breathing techniques and hospital tours — but nobody prepares a man for the emotional weight of standing there, completely unable to take her pain away. Nobody tells you that loving someone that deeply and feeling that helpless at the same time is one of the hardest things you will ever carry.
So you do what you can — you grab the ice chips, you rub her back, you kiss her on the forehead and whisper something you hope sounds like strength. But from where you're standing, nothing about this looks the way you pictured it.
This is the story nobody tells. The one from the other side of the bed.
Meet Forest — a husband, a father of four, and a man who has stood in that room more than once. We sat down with him to hear what it was really like for him on the other side of the bed. These are his words, exactly as he said them. Unfiltered and honest — just like the experience itself.
What Labor is Like for Fathers — In His Own Words
Take me back to the very first birth — where were you standing, what were you seeing, and what was honestly going through your head?
Looking back at the birth of my first is wild. I was so young. There is nothing to prepare you for the experience of a birth. Not being able to do anything to help your wife who is experiencing something that is so new and so painful leaves you feeling impotent. What man wants to enter a situation where he can do nothing but try and be present? I remember so much anger and frustration at not being able to do anything right to help Natalie, but the most difficult part was being able to sit inside of that pain.
Did anyone prepare you for what it would feel like to watch your wife go through labor, or did you walk into that room completely blind?
I walked into birth and was absolutely blindsided. There is so much excitement being able to walk into that hospital room and know that when you leave that room your life will never be the same. No one can ever really prepare you for what you are going to go through watching the birth of your first child, but I believe that is important. It is another step in the rights of passage into manhood.
Did you ever feel completely helpless standing there — and what did that feel like as a man who wanted nothing more than to fix it?
So much of being a 'man' is trying to, and often being able to, fix the problem. Entering that room if you don't walk in with a different mindset, it is a different kind of Hell. You can't do it for her. You can't fix it. As a first-time father, it is heartbreaking and infuriating. As a fourth time father, it is still heartbreaking, but the difference comes in the posture of being able to sit in the pain of knowing that you can't do anything to fix it. Being solid inside of that pain allows you to show up best for your wife.
From your first birth to your fourth — did it ever get easier or did you just get better at knowing what was coming?
Transitioning from the first birth to the fourth changed the experience drastically. I think it not only became easier for me, but for my wife which translates to it being easier for me as well. She became more comfortable with the process which puts less anxiety on her and in turn less anxiety on me. The pain of helplessness as a husband still is very present, but the ability to sit in the pain becomes easier. Knowing what comes makes it easier.
Watching your wife go through birth four times — how did that change the way you see her?
Each time I have had the opportunity to witness my wife giving birth to our children has given me such a greater sense of how strong my wife is. To experience the strength of a woman giving birth not once, but four times should be humbling and eye opening to any man. To see that same strength grow and evolve over each birth in my wife is a testament to her heart, character, and love for our children.
If you could walk up to a first-time dad standing outside that delivery room door, heart racing — what would you tell him?
Having done this four times now, the best advice that I think a first-time dad could get would be this; walk into the room knowing that a lot of the experience is going to suck. Know that you are going to feel helpless. Know that it is going to hurt watching your wife go through this miracle that is birth. Be okay with not being able to fix it. Be okay not being able to do anything right. Be okay not being the most important person in the room, because in the barrage of moments in that hospital room you become the helper, you become the rock. This is such an important moment for the rest of your life and the sooner you can learn it the better. Show up for your wife and new baby in a way that puts them first. Leaders go first. Be the first servant, first repent-er, first apologizer, the first sacrifice-er. Being able to sit in the pain, sit in the lack of control, will allow you to be the proper leader and lover of your family.
He Was There Too
We don't hear from the men in the room very often. Not because we don't care — but sometimes we just forget to ask. Because what labor is like for fathers is its own experience entirely. Not the same, not even close — but they were there, carrying something too.
My dad told my husband before our first birth — "you will never know how to handle the kind of pain you see your wife go through and how badly you want to fix it." And Aaron never forgot that. And honestly, neither did I.
We forget that dads are writing their own fatherhood journey right alongside motherhood. And I think both stories deserve to be told. We just do not talk about it enough.
To every husband and father who has stood in that room not knowing what to do — you showed up. And that mattered more than you know.
If you know someone who is about to become a father, I would love for you to share this with them. Maybe it will bring them a little comfort and help them feel a little more prepared for what labor is like from his side of the bed. And if you are expecting and you want to capture those first sacred hours after your baby arrives, I would love to chat about a Fresh 48 session — just like the one I had the honor of capturing with Forest and his family. Reach out and let's connect!
And if you are not already following me on Instagram — what are you waiting for! Hit that follow button and send me a DM and say hi, I love getting to know new people!
